Baby sick comes in many delightful forms. From the early milky sick to the thick regurgitated pureed slush right through to the chunky carrots. Oh yes, your little person will treat you to them all.

If this is your first little person and you've never changed a nappy before, then you're in for a treat. Poos come in all colours, shapes, textures, consistencies and smells and whilst your little person is in nappies (and a bit beyond) you will not only see and smell all of them, but will have to wipe them from various orifices and contain them so that they do not contaminate surrounding persons/clothing/upholstery.

You'd think that after two plus years of changing poo-filled nappies, you'd be used to the stuff - but the truth is that they just lull you into a false sense of security. You see, they hold everything in most of the time...
Prepare to be taunted by grandparents and/or relatives who'll say "Well, you were dry by the time you were two". Of course you were dry! Their incentive was that they had to boil wash every nappy you used and if having to boil skid marks out of sheets of cloth isn't enough of an incentive, what is?

If you've ever tried wrestling an octopuss into a string bag, then you'll know just how frustrating it is to try and get a child dressed and be ready to go out in under two hours. Some will argue that the older they get, the easier it is but we beg to differ. It just brings a heap of new problems into the equation...

Invest in some hardware. Baby bath seats are essential kit and will have your little person reclining and taking in the view, leaving you with two hands free to do the washing...

You need to get this one right, from the start. If you put your baby to sleep in silence and creep around on tiptoe, whispering conversations then your little person is going to wake up at the slightest noise. Conversely, if you put them down with the TV blaring, talking in loud voices etc, then you are always going to have to do it that way and there's a good chance that if they wake in the middle of the night and are met by total silence, it will be difficult to get them back to sleep again.

If at all possible don’t let your baby know that food can be heated - it makes life much easier when you’re out if they’re used to cold nosh. With weaning, there are two major questions to tackle first - when & why...

Possibly the most contentious issue in early motherhood and certainly one of the most guilt inducing. Most first time (and many second time) mothers will be too preoccupied with how the hell they’re going to expel the little alien from their body to give it much thought prior to the actual birth and in many ways we would congratulate this attitude - however once you’ve got past that minor hurdle there’ll be a huge gaping hole to fill with milk and boy will it make a noise if you don’t….. Here are a few thoughts on the matter.

99.9% of children are awkward about eating at some stage in their lives and boy does it wind you up like nothing else on the planet. (and boy do they know it winds you up like nothing else….) Some children are however much worse than others - you can spot them by the harassed looks and grey hairs on their mothers

This almost exclusively female posse swan into your life at around 10 days after the baby's birth. If it's your first baby then they will hold a godlike power over your every waking childrearing moment (ie 23 hours per day...) If it's your second, third or fourth then the local health visitor will either be a drinking buddy or sworn enemy.

Although your GP practice will in general, have a named health visitor attached to it, you will almost certainly meet more then one in your parenting career. This is where the problems start - rest assured they will all give you completely different advice on the same topic. Confused? You will be..... so here to give some light relief is our guide to the myriad of...

Annoying Health Visitor Subtypes